Part 4

4


I roll out of bed feeling more tired than I did when I finally fell asleep at midnight last night. I pick out a cute outfit, knowing inside that it's not because I feel like looking good for school, it's to try and impress Arden. I smile half heartedly at myself in the mirror, my long dark hair falling perfectly around my shoulders for once. I put on mascara and I'm ready to go, grabbing lunch money on my way out the door. Madison, I remind myself when I don't see her at the bus stop.

Back inside I find her trying to pack a lunch. "here," I say, helping her. "did you hear mom come in last night?"

She shakes her head. It's too late to tell now if she ever did come home.  She'd be gone for work again already. As a nurse, she gets stuck in the hospital at really weird times and although she's supposed to have regular hours she's never home at the same time every night because they're short of staff half the time.

"alright then," I mumble. "Get to the bus stop!" I help Madison with her pack and then hustle her out  the door, on my way out myself.

"are you riding with Arden?" she watches her breath float away in the frigid air and blows another unnecessary puff out to watch it float into oblivion. She's so cute.

"yep," I say, unable to hide the smile that comes to my face at the mere mention of his name. "see you after school," I say, pushing her off toward the bus stop and turning around to walk to Arden's car. He comes out his front door at the same time.

"Andie!" he says excitedly. My heart skips a beat Buthelezi all I show for it on the outside is an upbeat, happy smile as I approach his red car. He walks around in front of it, beating me to the passenger side door and opening it for me.

"thanks," I mumble as I climb in his car. He runs back around the front and I can tell he's excited about something. He's funny to watch and I'm giggling by the time he gets in.

"what's so funny?" he asks.

"you," I laugh harder.

"Are you making fun of the way I run!?" he pretends to be offended and I just nod, still laughing. He laughs too before starting the car.

I crank the heat as soon as the car is running. It's really cold. I catch Arden watching me a few times on the way to school and I wonder why. And if he likes what he sees.

In the parking lot, a few kids look surprised that I rode to school with Arden. Their eyes widen even more when Arden wraps his arm around my shoulder. I don't shrug him off partially because it's cold and because I secretly like it.

"look at 'em," he laughs like it's a joke, watching all the gawkers.  My heart sinks inside me. I tell myself that I can't even start to be interested in him. He is the complete opposite of me. Not to compliment myself, but I'm a really good kid. And he's a really bad one compared to my standards what with the partying, girls and drinking.

"mhmm," I say sarcastically and smile up at him. The corners of his mouth fall for a second and I wonder if he caught my drift. He gives my shoulder a squeeze and we walk into the school together.

 At my locker, I catch Arden looking again. That's going to bother me. Then again, I steal looks at him all the time. My shirt catches on the zipper of my coat and slides up as I'm taking off my coat. Arden's still looking,  I remind myself. Oops, he just saw bare skin all the way to the bottom of my ribs. Good thing I'm thin, and in shape, I Think, otherwise that would be even more embarrassing.

The morning flies by, the only  part of my day worth looking forward to being lunch. Arden sits next to me, along with our normal lunch crowd and it turns into a make fun of Andie session and tell all of her embarrassing stories to Arden.

So Arden found out that if someone calls me "Spanky" it's because in French 1 during my freshman year I accidentally hit a guy's  butt while trying to smack another guy for calling me a name.

He also found out about the time I ran into the gym teacher in the baseline while we were playing kickball and fell flat on my back. And also about the time in junior high when I was asked a question about transpiration and I answered "transvestite."

I sigh on my way out of lunch, a little bit annoyed. Arden catches me and leans down in my ear. "Hey," he whispers, "don't be upset. You're human. Embarrassing things happen." I keep walking, still a little upset with my friends. I try to be a good sport but every new person I meet they tell these stories to. "you know what, tomorrow I'll tell a few embarrassing stories about myself." I can't stop myself from grinning.

"you don't have to," I say. "you didn't do anything. My friends just get on my nerves a little bit," I laugh, kind of realizing how I'm being overdramatic.

Arden laughs, "I know, but I'm sure you'd be fine with the spotlight not being on you all the time," he teases, making me laugh.

The French and Spanish rooms are right next to each other and I make my way into the french room with my classmates and he passes the door to go to Spanish. We're both going in the separate doors at the same time and he winks at me when I look over. I blush on my way in the room and hurry to my seat before the bell rings. Not that Madame would care, she's such a carefree nice lady.

The rest of the day flies by too. Arden picked his seat in health today, and it wasn't by me. he had to pick a seat in the row two over from mine and he sat In the front, so I get to admire his back while he can't see me at all, I laugh to myself.

After school, I'm waiting for Arden by his car, leaning on the passenger side door and watching the buses leave. I fiddle with my nails, noticing how my shiny pink nail polish is chipping away around the edges. I shift my weight from side to side, getting a little impatient after 5 or 6 minutes. I look around in the lot, seeing only a few cars and trucks scattered around. I'm sure they belong to teachers and coaches and students in winter activities. I sigh, getting colder, my fingers stiffening up. My winter coat isn't all that warm. Not in this weather at least.

I've been waiting for at least fifteen minutes and I'm about to make the decision to walk home when Arden comes walking out of the school. He sees me and starts jogging towards the car. My face is probably blue, I grumble in my head. The pavement is a little slick and Arden runs across a patch of black ice, learning the hard way that ice is slippery.

"Dammit," he groans loudly enough for me to hear it from his car. He gets up and walks ever so slowly to the car. I'm having a hard time not laughing although I know it's painful and embarrassing to fall on your butt on the hard pavement.

I smile at him, forgetting his fall as he comes to the car and unlocks the door. "Sorry I made you wait," he apologizes, looking at me sincerely and cranking up the heater in his car. "You're freezing," he says, staring at me in concern. "I'm really sorry Andie. I'll leave it unlocked tomorrow for you." he reaches over and grabs my hands in his rubbing them in a back and forth motion, trying to warm them up. I blush at the contact but enjoy the warmth as the friction heats my frozen hands up.

"it's ok," I say. "what were you up to? If you don't mind me asking."

Arden's face is stone as he stares at our hands together, still rubbing mine furiously. "I had to get some new kid papers cleared up. Its a load of crap if you ask me, but whatever."

"ew," I say sympathetically, pulling my hands away and placing them in my lap.

"I know. It's so dumb," he half smiles, but not in amusement. "are you warm? I still feel bad." he looks at me with such concern.

"yes," I say, smiling at him.

We get home and go our separate ways, saying goodbye to each other for the night.

I walk inside, setting down my school things and noticing that there is a message on the answering machine. I hit play as I walk to the cupboard to see if we have any hot cocoa mix.

"Andie?" it's my grandmother's voice. "Call me back when you get this.. It's important, so don't ignore gramma!" She sounded urgent, like something was seriously wrong.

I turn on the stove to prepare the water for my hot chocolate and hit the call button on my phone.
"Andie?" My grandma answers halfway through the first ring.

"Yeah?" I breathe, seriously worried now. My thoughts move to my mother and how she didn't come home last night. In this half second pause in the conversation, my thoughts are running wild, my imagination coming up with awful things that could have happened to my mother.

"Is your mother home?" She asks slowly.

I'm confused. "No?" I say.

"I've been trying her cell phone since last night at supper time trying to get ahold of her," Grandma says, sounding extremely concerned.

"what for?" I ask. "she probably has it turned off," I justify the lack of contact anyone has had with my mother. "But I haven't heard from or seen her since Sunday night, when that mall shooting was," I say.

"oh my," my grandma says. "I wonder what shes up to. " I can tell my grandma is really worried that Maddie and I have been left alone for almost two whole days. "I'm coming over," she says,  a determination in her voice that I know I won't be able to derail, but I will try.

"Gram, it's ok. I can hold down the fort while she's not here," I say even though I want my grandma to come. I know she would say something to my mom for not being here and I wouldn't. I know she'd take care of us and make dinner tonight.

Grandma doesn't hesitate in saying, "I know you can, sweetie. But I wanna be there in case anything happens."

"thank you gram," I say. "see you soon then." I hang up the phone, a sick feeling in my stomach. I don't want my mother to be in trouble, or out doing something reckless.

I sit on the couch, the sick feeling still there, lingering on even as I reassure myself a thousand times that there's a good reason my mother hasn't shown up or at least called us in two days. The same thought keeps coming back. "you don't know for sure, Andie," the voice keeps saying in my head. It reminds me of when I was a kid and when I would jump to conclusions my dad would say that same line. "you don't know for sure, Andie."

I pick up the phone and call my mother's floor at the hospital. Someone answers, so I say, "Hey this is Andie, is Mary there?"

"No, sweetie," the person says. I recognize the voice as Clive, the gay secretary on my mother's floor at the hospital. He's great, so I'm glad he's the one who answered. "Today is her day off, is there a problem?"
"no, no." I say, "thanks though." I hang up the phone feeling sicker than before, the thoughts of what could have happened to my mother coming back.

The tea kettle screams, startling me. I'm not in the mood for hot chocolate anymore since my mom is missing and my thoughts are drifting to things my beloved dad would always say. I make two cups of hot chocolate though, so when Madison comes home she can have one.

Madison makes it home a few minutes after I pour the hot chocolate into our favorite mugs and take mine to the living room. She's excited, of course. She loves hot chocolate.

"careful," I warn her, making her sit at the table to drink it because she has a bad habit of drinking every last bit she can off of the spoon. I take mine to the living room with no intention of drinking it.

I turn on the tv back in the living room, trying to return to some kind of normalcy although I cant convince my mind to slow down, and that everything is alright. Finally though, I resort to laying down and putting a couch pillow over my face. I don't handle stress well.

---

"Gramma!!!" I hear Madison squeal in delight, her mispronunciation of grandma amusing me for a moment. I sit up, looking around me and trying to figure out what's going on. Clock. It's 6:00. I need to make dinner, I release a deep mental sigh.

Grandma walks in the room and the situation hits me again. I was out for a solid hour and a half, so I definitely had the time to relax my mind. "any word from your mother?" my grandma looks at me.

"no," I say, furrowing my eyebrows.

Grandma comes and sits on the couch with me. "I'm sure everything is fine. I'll make us some supper, what do you have in here?" My grandma has always had a way of being comforting.

"I'm not sure what we have, Gram," I say suddenly becoming self conscious and trying to fix my hair.

"well, we'll see I guess," she stands back up slowly and goes to the kitchen. I have a feeling she has an idea of what's going on.

In the middle of dinner, at 7:00, the phone rings. I walk to the receiver slowly, nervous about answering it.

"h-hello?" I stutter, embarrassing myself.

"Hey honey!!" It's my mom's voice.

"hi," I say suspiciously. "where are you?" I demand, not in the mood to play any games. My mom tends to try and talk in circles til I'm confused enough to not care about the answer I was after. Usually it's small stuff, so it doesn't matter anyways, but it's still annoying that she does it.

"I'm on my way home," she replies.

"from where!?" I demand, all the emotion rising up through my voice in a louder tone than I intended.

My mom sighs, "look honey, I'll explain when I get home. Seeya soon!" She sounded annoyed with me with the sigh and everything, and it suddenly changed to glee with the "seeya soon!" It made me feel sick.

Grandma looks at me. "your mom?" she asks. I just nod, walking back to the table. Here comes an argument, I think to myself, knowing my grandma will confront my mom. She's never left us alone for 2 days. Especially without saying anything about it.

We all sit around the table after dinner and we play yahtzee  with Madison to keep her from thinking something's up. I feel bad trying so hard to keep her in the dark but the situation would be ten times worse if she knew what was up. So we continue playing yahtzee until my mother comes home.

My grandma stands up when she hears the door creak. I crane my neck trying to see through the arch that separates the living room and kitchen. My mother enters my line of vision, but the first think I notice that her hand is in someone else's.

"who's that!?" Madison jumps up from the table and runs to the arch to peek around the corner.

 Inspecting him and expecting the worst, I notice that he's kind of handsome, ruffled brown hair and a certain way of holding himself. I quickly rid my head of the thoughts, wondering again where this guy is from.
My mother jumps on the opportunity to introduce the stranger. "this, girls, is my boyfriend. " I feel like vomiting as she pauses to beam up at him. This can't be happening.

The man steps toward me where I'm frozen in place,  anger and confusion and sadness holding me down. "I'm Mark," he says, putting his hand out. I stare at it rudely, wanting nothing to do with him. Only wanting to be in my room alone, to think. After a moment he drops his hand back down and takes a step back.

I walk away, headed towards me room when my mom tries to stop me. "Andie, don't be rude," she pleads. I glance back a moment before defiantly going into my room anyways. I can't be out there right now. I'm liable to have a breakdown. My mom can't be doing this. She can't replace my dad. She can't just bring a strange man into the house after two days absence and expect us to be fine.

I collapse on my bed, trying to convince myself not to think at all. Eventually I cool down and get dressed for bed. I look out the window again before sliding into my comfortable bed. No Arden again tonight. I wish he was there. It'd be of some comfort, to have a friend so close.